Fixed Emotions :)

So for some reason I decided to go back and read some of my older post-somewhere along the line I have lost sight of the fact that God has given us a blessing and I should be excited and happy about it, instead of letting fear ruin things. I can't wait for my little girl to be and to be able to dress her up and show her off =) Today David and I talked about the emotions I was going through yesterday and he made a comment that made me remember how excited I was about having a baby. We have been wanting a baby for a long time and after everything with Keagen we finally get another chance. David said "i dont' care that it isn't just going to be the two of us anymore-I want another person in the house! I want a baby in the house!" It made me think about how excited we have been about having another baby and I want to focus on that. Stop worring about what people are going to say or do and focus on my husband and my little girl! I can't wait for her to be here and we are going to take one day at a time.... =)

so many emotions

I haven't blogged in so long and right now there are so many emotions going through me that I need to get out.
1. My s-i-l just pointed out to me that tomorrow night is the last night that David and I will have alone...I am excited to have a baby but that thought alone hurts!! I love the relationship that David and I have and it hurts to think of it changing!!
2. Another friend just bragged about her weight..I wish I could be skinny again-I am getting tired of feeling like a blimp not just when I am pregnant but otherwise too.
3. I am scared to death of being a "parent" I have been one for three years but have not had to be tested yet. We are just so use to it being the two of us I wonder how we will handle another person in our life-not just a person, a baby that will depend on us for everything-food, shelter, clothing, personality, training, manners......and the list goes on. I don't want to fail my little girl or the responsibility that God has given me.

28 weeks

Little girl is moving more and more. Somedays it feels like she is moving my whole stomach! I had another ultrasound and Rase is an excellent technician!! She got to see all of the heart and was very happy with what she saw. She said that if she gains a half pound a week like she is suppose to then she will be around 8lbs when she is born but she is measuring 1cm bigger than what she is suppose to be so I am hoping that she comes a little early. Not to early! but early enough that she won't be huge. Also I have been gaining like I am suppose to-at about the middle I thought maybe I was gaining too much too fast but now if I gain a pound a week like I am suppose to then I will be able to lose most of it during labor!! I am hoping to lose all of it and be back to my pre pregnancy weight by the first 8 weeks. Big goal I know but I can hope and wish. Today I was looking for a movie and looked at the pictures of David and I holding Keagen and I don't remember what it feels like-which is really frustrating but it also makes me look forward to holding Kaitlin that much more! I can't wait for her to be born and us be able to bring her home.

27 wks

I am officially in my third trimester! It is so hard to believe that I have a little over 12 weeks left! Actually I am hoping 12 weeks from today! I am hoping that she will come on the 10th of May so that she comes on a Monday so it is a week before a full Sunday. I went in for my last appoinment and have now started going every two weeks but they decided to throw at me my one hour glucose test and they said that I had to have the results back to them before my next appoinment! I called Ben Archer to see if they do it here and they don't... so I had to do it there which took forever so my levels came back elevated and now I have to do te three hour glucose test on Thursday along with another ultrasound because little girl has decided to b stubborn and won't roll over so they can see every part of her heart (which is beating strong-I might add) and then the follow up after the u/s. Alot for one day!! My mom bought me a glucose meter so that I can check my blood every morning so that if they try to put me on medicine I can show them my numbers for this week and let them know they are crazy! Your glucose number should be between 70 and 120 and I have been 79-107 every time! I will do some more research on GD before my next appointment though just so I know what to expect. Today I got to steam clean Kaitlin's room and David set up the changing table so hopefully by the end of today we will have a good portion set up and ready for our little one!

24 wks

It has been a little while since I blogged on my pregnancy. Things have been going pretty good, she is moving alot more and sometimes it hurts. Sunday night I was sitting on the kitchen floor at the church cause I was cramping and she decided to kick really hard at my bladder and it hurt-it made me catch my breath. Then last night she did again and right after that it felt like she did the splits and kicked me low and high or she kicked or pushed out really fast and her head hit high and her feet hit low. Whatever is going she is moving and I would rather she be moving and it hurt than her not move at all. It is kind of frustrating to be at a standstill right now with everything. I want to buy clothes but I have got several people saying they are going to give me stuff. Also esther said that I was going to get a baby shower but I have mixed feelings about it-for one where I come from you only get the one for your first born, two-I mentioned in my other blog about being ready for it and she said that she couldn't get to it until after Feb. It makes me a little worried cause with Keagen it was all a huge secret she even had David keeping secrets from me (which I hate!) it all turned out very good great infact but very stressfull and I don't want that to happen again. So I am thinking of not planning on a shower and just go on like normal in buying stuff. I do have a registry at Walmart and Target but I don't want to expect alot from anyone. I am looking forward more and more everyday to her coming even when I am apprehensive about it. I can't wait to set up her stuff-it will make everything seem a little more real. I hope I haven't gained a binch again like I did last time but I don't feel full or hungry anymore so we will see. I have had more morning sickness lately and I need to drink lots of water. The other day I had the worse Charlie Horse ever it hurt so bad that I almost threw up but it has gotten better and I am drinking more water and Gatorade. I am trying very hard not to stress and to take my time doing things but I know that I also need to work on building up my muscles for delivery. I can't wait for her to be here!

22 wks

So far I have been doing pretty good with my wieght until this last check up! I have only gained one pound until this last time and I gained seven! Now I am back to my prepregnancy wieght. I am trying to walk more and do more around the house to burn calories so we will see. We got to have another ultrasound Wed. and she asked us if we wanted to find out what gender the baby is. Of Course!!! At first I had the feeling that it was a boy well I think that I didn't think of anything else because of how strong boys run on David's side of the family but as this pregnancy has pogressed I haven't been so sure. So the tech is going through looking at things making sure that all the body parts are there and look good and she is like "oh yep that's a girl!" I was like "are you sure?!?!?!" "I want you to show me that you are sure!" so she zoomed in and David had seena picture showing how to tell the difference on an ultrasound and he said "yeah honey that is a girl" Soo we are having a girl!!!!! We have been thinking about names so far we have Kaitlin and Hannah but I think we have settled on Kaitlin Ann!

21 wks

I will be 21 weeks tomorrow which is also the 1st day of 2010-the year our little one is to be born! I am really praying and looking forward to a safe delivery and bringing my baby home! When we were home for Christmas I got to hold Aspen and be with her alot and she has captured my heart like none other! We got back here and all I can think about is being back home with family! At church last night Ellie was fussing so I got her out of her carseat and she just wasn't as cute as I remember her being! I am now comparing every baby to my cute little niece and they all just aren't adding up! I feel really bad about that but I can't explain what that little girl did to me that has changed me so much! OH! and to watch Alyssa!! She is so real!!! There is nothing fake about her. She doesn't look at life through rose colored glasses but she isn't negative either. Besides David she is my best friend and I am so grateful to have her as a guide and a friend as I get ready for our little one to come. I really hope that we get to find out what the gender is! I can't wait to meet our little one and be able to have one of our own like everyone else! Bad I know but true! I don't want to ever forget Keagen but it will be nice to finally get to bring home our baby and love it with all the love that I know we posess.